I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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