And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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