i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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