I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
organizing the empties. That sober.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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