i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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