I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
