he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
