Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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