i will never coherently bang her
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
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Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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