I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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