I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
