i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
