oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There's even glitter on my cock...
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