First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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