he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
