I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
