Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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