this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
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I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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