He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
