Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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