Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
