oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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