I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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