It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
