Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
