Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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