By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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