sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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