he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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