I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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