You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The air was thick with penises
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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