so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
