absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
