You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
