walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
