Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
