i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
