How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
