Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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