I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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