You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
