don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
