I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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