I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
whose parrot is this?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize