what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
