the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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