You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
