Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
