I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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