my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
