I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
