i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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