This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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