and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
