Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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