Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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