So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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