We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
