I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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