I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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