my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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