he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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