im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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