I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
