Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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