It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
